On Secret Languages

It’s really odd to have to define “relationships” in the human context. We exist as living creatures upon this Earth, and everyday, we come in contact with many a person. Each person we meet is different, and a relationship can grow, or deteriorate with time. Sometimes, the more important a relationship is, the more work it is.

In the words of Rise Against’s song Swing Life Away, “If love is a labour, I’ll slave till the end.”

It’s hard for people to let others get close. Some people who seem the most friendly are most often the most adept at hiding behind masks and deflecting, and the most quiet may wear too many emotions bubbling under the surface.

Time is what defines a relationship. Friends in life come, and go. It’s hard when you’ve known someone a long time, and have to stop being close to them. Whether it’s a falling out over a clash of differences, a minute shift in values, or the simple action of not waving back, it’s painful. Even if the separation is an absolute requirement caused by external situations not related to yourself, there is pain because there is a questioning- you think about how easy it to cut someone out that you once considered a friend.

Friends have many definitions. Family can be friends. Lovers can be friends. Friends…can even be not friends, haha. Complex webs of interaction cross and collide in a sliver of a smile, a nail dragging across a palm, a whispered password in a dark corner.

What I mean to say, a vocabulary between friends is a signifier of time. The longer you spend in the presence of another person, the more familiar you become of them. There is often language, a set alphabet that only a select few can understand…it can be anything from a movie reference, tilt of a head, the lowering of the eyes. This vocabulary is very difficult to build, but if you work at it, it’s something worthwhile.

But where does this language go when you go your own way later in life, away from your friends? Do you forget a language? Do you become rusty and stutter over the half-remembered lines? I suppose that’s why ex-es/ ex-crushes are something that cause tension…the language changes with each person.

Despite the drive to become more familiar with another person, a nature, a complete picture cannot be obtained without coming in contact with the people that person has invested themselves in. What I mean is that a person is not complete without the people around them, that we all carry pieces of others in our hearts- no matter how small, or short a time period you have known someone.

But that’s just a theory that popped into my head at 1AM, it’s not it’s actually true or anything. I could always learn more about people, but just not the hard way. Maybe little by little.

It’s not that I particularly want to learn about things secondhand, but in my current state, it’s the best I can do. I always say there’s so many things I want to do “someday,” but the more I think about it, the more impossible it seems. I think holding onto impossible things and being disappointed about them is just another way of growing up. I always envied the cultures where children could step directly into adulthood after a rite of passage, none of this culture generated confusion and complications.

All this is to say happy birthday to yet another certain someone I have known a long time. We’re not the way we were when we first met (I hope not, that was a long time ago), and there’s only one of you…for the best friend I never could never truly appreciate. I’m glad I met you, and despite sometimes losing heart, I’m sure you’ll get where you’re going. Best wishes for next year!

Going to be busy with school this term, investing more time in quality output than quantity.


Not quite sure where that enthusiasm came from. Must be lack of sleep. I shall blame all proceeding stupidity this term on lack of sleep. Yes, yes, such a brilliant idea…simpleton, that, I am.


One comment

  1. At times, it’s best to learn things second hand because of the immense pressure or embarrassment dealing with it first hand may be too stressful for some to handle. Realizing is all part of life and old friends will either grow above or below you. It’s a natural way of things and it is you who decides whether or not to keep this relationship going by hanging out with them again.
    Don’t fret, if there’s a side of you missing a specific personality belonging from an old friend you may never see, find a new friend with these traits. It’s not hard, but the only problem is getting used to the traits you don’t see from your old friend.

    Time in itself is the rite of passage into adulthood. Some realize it earlier than others and it is visible. Others take longer because the path they have chosen in the past and the paths they choose for the future are long winding roads. Easy come, easy go… their mentality not set for a predictable and stable path.
    However, this isn’t to say that their minds may truly be that of adulthood. To say new views on life is simply just taste. Is their actions truly representative of that of an adult? Is it what can foster a good parent or hard working employee until the end of life? It may be difficult to chew on the fact others may be more adult like than you are, but it doesn’t mean to stop hanging out with them. Just know to flow with them than trying to be more like you… you can still try to convert them to your preferences but know the stance and amount of effort should be limited.
    This is at times why I don’t enjoy talking to the Christian Missionaries… their total devotion to a pure Christian life is respectable, but with by-laws in the religious groups to treat other religions with respect, it questions me which religion I truly belong to…
    Know if there’s any impossible request, put it to me, I’ll help you achieve to the best of my ability.

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