fall’s last sigh// change by design

Another term is drawing to a close…

Waterloo, we have no better verb than “innovate.” IMG_3694

I told myself I wouldn’t post anything else onto here until I had finished dealing with school and the various other projects I have going on, but I keep revisiting this draft. I stare at it and wonder what else can I say to describe this exact feeling I’m having – on one hand it’s the kind of despair that you find at the bottom of well and you climb back out; on the other, it’s very much akin to the feeling of anything is possible.

It is rather common that by the time you hit your third (and fourth, if you’re a procrastinator) year, that sense of panic you felt throughout your entire university career just suddenly amplified itself, and you can’t stop thinking about it. You can drown it in side projects, you can hide it from friends by smiling and turning away, you can whittle away your sleep hours by playing games so you can stop thinking about it.

The more I think about it, the more doubts I have, and the more doubts I have, the more I feel that this possibility of success might be within grasp.

So I guess that’s the 3B term feeling? There’s still a long way to go, but no matter how hard I try to tell people, it never comes out the way I want it to, and I feel kind of let down.

So what now? I’m about to take my last exam of 3B next term. I started thinking about how to format my resume…to do what? To find a job? To show what I learned in 4 years was worth the time and effort? And what if I choose to go to grad school? What other alternatives are there?

The oddest thing is that it took until 3B for something that is a school project to make it into my portfolio. All the things you see here? Most of it is what I do in my free time.

There’s just this over-whelming sense of vulnerability and dread that no one describes to you when you suddenly see what you wanted in the distance, and it’s getting close. There’s elation, too…but expectations. When you open that box at the end of the proverbial rainbow, what will you find?

NO ONE ANSWER SCHRODINGER’S CAT. NO. THAT GAME.

(Virtue’s Last Reward 3DS, if you’re wondering.)

Co-op:
I’ll be in the Tannery doing User-Experience design. Ask me in person if you want more details, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to visit the School of Architecture and main campus at leisure. I’m really excited because the environment will be very different from when I worked at CGI, and I hope I’ll be of use to everyone.

I will be looking for further employment for May to August, as that will be my last co-op term, and I have not been hired yet. I suppose this will be practice for when I graduate and search for a job. I’m still thinking of grad school, and what more education I may need to become a more educated-person. I’m not really that concerned about the end goal, but the general direction is something of use that can be used to help others. Maybe something design-related? I don’t really have any interest in being invested in being an exhibiting artist (as people seem to think fine arts is for), and I really hope I can get a job (that I like). I’ve done my best, so the only thing I can hope for is that all that lack of sleep and efforts will be something someone out there will like. No drone work! RAWR!

Fine Arts:
I just updated my other blog for fine arts over here at White Wind Musings, so take a peek if you have time. A lot of the content has been posted here already, so it’s not really that new.

English:
We’re winding down to the final stretch, right? 3B. The class I really enjoyed this term was Information Design, but I feel like the class was all over the place. The professor was wildly disorganized, and half may classmates could care less about this class as illustrated in this quote given during final presentations: “Our class is very full for once.” I have to organize my time a bit better so I can figure out what I want to do next fall, when I come back for fourth-year.

Imprint:
It’s been a pretty crazy time this term trying to balance school, volunteering- I haven’t been particularly social at Imprint, most because there’s so much work to do on Wednesdays. It’s not that I’ve gotten slower (in fact, I’m a lot faster than before, problem is, a lot of corners get cut), it’s just that I have to shut people out for an hour or two at a time to get the work done on time.

I guess I understand some people better by working with them. We lost yet another editor-in-chief before the end of their contract, and the assistant EIC (volunteer, might I add, while EIC itself is a full-time paid position) had to pick up a lot of the slack. That being said, the only you can do at Imprint when you’re short on hands is to hang on for dear life and hope volunteers come by. I have to say this term was a mixed bag of recruits, but I’m really happy new people came by and stayed.

That being said, I might have had a few problems dealing with Imprint-ers outside of volunteering. I’ve had a lot more of them in my classes, so I see them more often, but I don’t think it was any easier being friends with them, since I tend to think of Imprint more as a “work” environment, and I can’t really break that stance outside of it.

So in the aspect of communication, I realized that no matter how hard you try sometimes, you can’t make friends with certain people, but at work, acquaintances is OK for a label. It also helps in the way that if you volunteer/work with certain people, you know who to pick/who not to pick to be in a team project with you.

Outside of that:
It’s pretty frustrating when you’re trying to reach out to someone, and they don’t feel the need to do the same.

I know the answers can’t be found if I just stand around, so maybe the new year will bring some revelations.

Note to self: make time for important people after exams. If they can’t find time for you, then obviously there’s only half as much as there should be, and nothing good will come of it.

———————–

I’m going to Japan for my grad trip! Maybe I’ll get to see most of South Asia?

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One comment

  1. On the feeling of end of school being near (don’t you have 4a/b left?), I feel the same thing regarding a personal aspect of my life. Its kinda like, huh, I’m actually able to finish this, but at the same time, I’m afraid of dealing with the things entailed.

    Good luck, and given enough thought, you’ll find what you’ll do, or stumble into it xD

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